How in the world could Isaac and my hopes and dreams have anything remotely in common? As you all know, backstory first. Isaac, the much anticipated and longed-for-son Abraham and Sarah had prayed for and that God had promised Abraham descendants that would exceed the stars in the sky, would be sacrificed. This long-awaited son God asked Abraham to sacrifice—the son whom God gave Abraham to fulfill this promise. Why? Trust is the short answer. God tested Abraham’s heart. How far would Abraham take this sacrificial command for the son sent to bring him a number of descendants that couldn’t be counted.
After four years of heartache and minimal bright spots, I began to equate my hopes and dreams with Isaac. Was God asking me to sacrifice my hopes and dreams? How far would God let me take my hopes for the future and place them on the sacrificial altar?
After applying to many jobs, I got the request to interview for a position I immediately felt trepidatious about. Regardless, God placed this opportunity in front of me and I needed to walk the path He set before me. I knew immediately after interviewing that I had landed the job. Peace still evaded me, and anxiety replaced any normal feelings I had. I won’t go into specifics of why I didn’t want this position, other than it felt wrong in my soul to take it. Would God ask me to do what every fiber in my being was telling me not to? I longed for an answer for God’s will and prayed steadfastly for His answer, all while hearing none and seemingly walking in the direction of accepting this position.
No matter the result I knew that walking in God’s will was where I would thrive and be happiest, after all He knows me better than I know myself and emanates the three O’s (omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent). In every situation He knows all, so I leaned into His will no matter what He asked me to walk through. I’ve walked hard paths before that He’s willed for me, and He protected me through it all—why wouldn’t He now? Resolutely I trudged on and walked the path He set before me, even to the bitter end and even if it meant me accepting this job, because at the end of the day I wanted to walk in His will and not mine and my will was saying to turn away from this position at all costs.
The second interview came and went, and the job offer was mine that afternoon. The pit in my stomach still growing and growing. Lord, is this what you want for me? Will I be happy here? I gave a shaky, “thank you” and said I would be in touch. One day later and another sleepless night I still felt no peace and what’s worse—my heart began to harden. Why was God punishing and picking on me? I’ve lived a life that honors Him, so why can’t I have good things like everyone else? In order to hear from God, I knew I needed to turn to His word and pray diligently for His guidance and direction.
With a renewed sense of God’s goodness, I called Human Resources for three separate questions that would determine my fate in accepting. Each question was met with an answer I wasn’t prepared for—the last and final nail in the coffin was an answer I knew was from God. An answer so clear that all the pieces of the puzzle began to align.
God was testing my heart. And just like God intervened for Isaac at the last moment, He intervened for my hopes and dreams. I walked the full breadth of this path like it was a funeral march, but God knew my heart and I learned to trust Him with it all. And because of that trust and control I put in God; He rewarded me with peace. While I haven’t found a position, I have gained peace of letting go of my situation and handed it all over to God, because he tested my heart and found me not wanting, but in complete peace and resting in His promises that if it’s not good, he’s not done.