I wrote this two years ago. Nearly a month after writing it, I fell, hard. I knew the fall was coming, but didn’t know when. Now that I’ve crawled most of my way out of the hole I fell into, I realize this letter is written to me today. I was writing to my future self and oh, how I thank her for it.
The day is how I would think my inside looks. Overcast, leaves wilting and falling, serene and quiet. But the season changes can be magnificent and beautiful to watch. You can’t always have spring and sunshine. In order for the spring to be so abundant and beautiful, there must be a wilting, a reckoning, a dying of the old to bring in the new. So, if my soul reflects the fall, I welcome it because I know the spring is coming. It doesn’t stay fall forever. And even the fall can be beautiful.
Perspective. If we always kept our same leaves, we would bore of them and we couldn’t experience the shedding of past hurts and regrets. We can become the butterfly. We are moldable and use our old leaves as a reminder that new and different leaves are coming. Don’t be a pine tree and refuse the fall. Welcome change with open arms because you know you won’t be bare forever. Spring is coming. You don’t have to hope that it does, it always has and always will show up when God intends. Your flowers and green leaves will be here when God says you’re ready for them. But first the rains must come in for you to flourish. They must come. You can’t escape the rain, but do try to enjoy it, because the rain’s purpose is to help you grow. So, soak up the water and pain and use it to change your perspective, no matter how tough.
It’s beginning to rain. When you feel the first drops of rain remember it has a purpose. Look at it for what it is—nourishment and change to a better you. One that is resilient, courageous, graceful, hopeful, faithful, and beautiful. Use the rain as a reminder that God is with you always, He will NEVER leave you. He’s standing in the rain with you. He’s not holding up an umbrella so the rain can’t get to you because He knows you need it to grow. Cling to Him while He stands with you and don’t ask for an umbrella. You won’t be able to enjoy your time with God or the lessons He’s giving you to make you happier in Him. Once the rain stops, He will turn to you, smile, and say, “We made it through and look at you, you’re starting to bloom. How lovely and beautiful you are.”
This life is more than the rain. Sometimes you can’t see God standing next to you because the rain is so heavy and it’s pounding down you can’t feel His presence next to you or Him holding your hand, but HE IS THERE. As much as you cry for that umbrella that He wants to give you because He loves you so much, He knows it won’t help you. It will hurt you and delay your leaves. Trust that the master gardener knows what you need. Look up to the sky and drink the rain in, the sun will be out soon.
Peace, love, and ferns,